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I love long hot showers. Not because of any sexual reason, but because I always tend to think a lot. It tends to happen when I'm walking alone too, but it seems like I concentrate my thinking when I'm taking my time in a shower. This stems from when I lived with my parents. Dad built a huge shower downstairs for us, about two metres squared, with two large steps for hairwash/bodywash/etc. I used to sit on those steps and let the shower steam up while I just thought about "stuff".

I don't get much chance to have a long hot shower. I tend not to have that much time to myself. I got to have a decent shower this afternoon, so I thought I might post about what I thought about.

Topics range wildly, as with anybody my mind skips subjects constantly.

I started thinking about my behaviour as a part of my relationship with Jess. Is it any different now to when I was with Emma? How do I know? Which led to me being frustrated, once again, by my poor long-term memory. I'm sure most people are the same. My memory of anything past say, three months is hazy at best. Once we start talking about years, then things get really hazy. Only really significant events stand out. So how do I know if, taking how I currently behave in my relationship, that my behaviour was any different to that when I was with Emma? I can't remember specifically how I behaved. I mean there's general lessons, sure, that I've learned from that relationship. But I can't tell you how I arrived at those conclusions. For example, I know I shouldn't allow myself to be pushed around by other people, especially my girlfriend. (Its more about compromises) I know this is a lesson I learned after the fact from my relationship with Emma. But specifically how did I arrive at this conclusion? I mean, there's nothing specific in my memory that stands out as evidence that she walked all over me. Though I know she did. All the time.

Which led me on to another line of thought; about the malleability of our memory. Unless you've a photographic memory, when you look at something, you remember what it looks like. You don't remember exactly what it looks like, but you could recognize it if someone put a picture in front of you. This is what is annoying about memory. What if its inconsistent? This is what people with alzheimers must go through. How do you *know* that your memory is correct? You don't. It's all based on what it looked like, what it smelled like, what it sounded like. People can manipulate your memory by inserting doubt about your memory. Are you sure you remember that wall as dark brown, topped by a light brown wallpaper? Was that crack ever really there?

I remember thinking a while ago (probably after reading another series that featured it) that if humanity managed to develop a kind of shared consciousness, a lot of humanity's problems would disappear. It's been mentioned in a few sci-fi series, the most famous of course being Isaac Asimov's Foundation series (though not until the very end). Sean Williams/Shane Dix explored it a little in their series "Evergence". Also Peter F. Hamilton's Night's Dawn Trilogy. I find it a fascinating concept, and wonder how such shared consciousness would work; as humans we are still yet to scientifically understand consciousness, let alone link it together. I do remember reading somewhere about a project to engineer one of the basic building blocks of a neural network.

I think it was Hawking who asked recently, "How can the human race survive the next hundred years?". It's a fascinating question. I have no idea if we even will survive. I wonder what life will be like ten, twenty, thirty years from now. And will I remember wondering about this in the shower thirty years from now? Who knows.

Okay, thats enough rambling.

Wish this cold would go away already.

Oh and my pants no longer fit; without a belt they keep falling around my ankles. As far as I can tell, I've not lost any weight.


Steve P
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