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I could be there in ten minutes or so ...

I wish I could write in here how I really feel, without having to worry about who might see it or read it.

I mean, I know I can just make an entry private, and then it would only be for me, and that would mean nobody could see it so == no worries.

The only reason I don't like to lay out how I really feel sometimes, is that I hate that I might get replies that are obviously what people would say. Like, I know what you're going to say - so what's the point in dancing around conversationally? I know the dance, big deal.

Well, sometimes it just feels right to let it out.

After a particularly trying day (the last working day before Christmas will always be trying - it doesn't help when you have been left in charge during what must be the busiest week of the year for us) one of my flatmates decided to have a go at me about my not wanting to pay rent for the next month.

It's a little convoluted to explain verbosely, so I'll summarise.

I'm not paying rent for a room I won't be living in. There's a giant hole in the kitchen ceiling which is putting off possible new tenants. Our landlords are dragging their heels on repairs. So my flatmate is freaking out about the possibility of having to pay rent for an empty room because I won't pay it. (Contract is for the flat, not for separate rooms)

His way of freaking out includes waking me up, angrily demanding that I pay rent, and going on (and on and on) about how his entire life (and the other flatmates) is f***ed if I don't get a new tenant in. Oh and I'm scum because I'm running away to Australia where I don't have to worry about things like old flatmates. He didn't say it, but that was the general feeling I was getting.

After about 20 minutes or so going round in circles, I finally managed to convince him that yes, I would pay for my share of the bills, I'm not doing a runner, I will find someone to take the room. I'm not that sort of person, I never have been.

To be honest I was completely drained from working today. I was comfortably winding down and was just about ready to consign a spectacularly s*** day to the pillow when my flatmate came in. I was actually a little happier because we'd got our passports back in plenty of time and I'd gotten my little present for myself, Every Extend Extra, before Christmas.

So anyway, I broke down after he finally left me alone. I feel better now, though I could really have done with a big hug from Jess. Combined with trip and visa stresses (visa's are now second to money) it kinda just put me over the top.

Right now I would give up this trip just to be back in Australia with Jess.

Back to the Pearl Jam then I guess.


Steve P
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