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Okay, you all should know that before this gets posted my girlfriend will already know the full story. Don't bother running to tell her about it. She knows. I tell her everything, and if I don't she usually beats it out of me.

Okay, so this morning I had this weird dream about my ex-girlfriend. I may not have the exact events remembered so well, but it was another vivid and rather sexual dream about her. Yes, another, I've had one before, and I told my girlfriend about that one too. Here goes:

I'm in my bedroom. She's there too. Looking really sexy and stuff. It turns me on. I ask her to come with me. She agrees, and says she'll not wear a bra as well, and proceeds to take off her bra (remember, this is dream land; details like actually taking the shirt off first and then putting it back on don't matter here). I tell her sure, but only if you don't wear panties as well. She, being in my dream, obliged willingly.

I'd just like to interrupt at this point and add that the relationship between me and my ex-girlfriend, in real life, is over, and was so over eighteen months ago. I love my girlfriend very much (the one I've been going out with for the past year!) and would never, ever cheat on her or so much as touch another woman intimately. I would rather kill myself than fuck around, and I mean that in every sense of the word.

This is where my memory gets a little hazy. I remember going down to the bathroom with her, and she had gone somewhere to do something, leaving me as randy as an old man with a bottle of viagra tablets in the bathroom. I also remember waiting for my parents to leave so I could go after her for the explicit purpose of getting some. I also got the (very, very) vague feeling that maybe she was teasing me/not really wanting that sort of thing.

That's about the point where I woke up. What the hell is with that?? Why am I nearly having wet dreams about a woman that I very rarely talk to anymore? I know for a fact that I am over her. I'm more than over her; she's in the past, gone, history, just someone to catch up with when I see them in the street etc.

It bothers me that this is the second vivid sexual dream I have had of my ex-girlfriend. (I really don't think I have dreamt of anyone else sexually, unless you include fantasies, which would (to say the least) include my girlfriend) Are there still embers smouldering in the subconscious fire that is my brain? I for one certainly hope not.

While I'm being open, frank and honest, I'd like to add that in general, the naked female form doesn't exactly turn me on. Sure, sometimes it turns me on when I'm in the mood, but what usually gets me in the mood is things like suggestion and the clothed female form. They really are both the same thing, although I'll have to explain it anyway.

I've seen a lot of porno in my time. This is largely thanks to my brother (sorry bro; but it is the truth, and this is an open and live journal), who over the years has amazed me with the sheer amount of porn he has seen, flipped through, downloaded and generally viewed. He started with Black Label Penthouse, subscribing from I think early 1994 through till 1998 or 99. Thats a lot of centrefolds, forums and couples specials. I can honestly tell you that black label penthouse, as a porno magazine, is a piece of shit. Black Label Penthouse, as a high quality glossy mens magazine, is top notch. About the only thing that changed porn-side with it over the years is the so-called couples pictorials; they got better as society's acceptance of it solidified (insertion of penis, lesbian, group action, kinky stuff).

After that was the porno videos. I think I can honestly say I'm a connoisseur when it comes to porn video. I've seen the lame, the tasteless, and the utterly disgusting. European porno's are generally the best, although they have a reputation of delving into the most disgusting of sexual habits and kinky fetishes. American porno's these days are just as lame as they used to be, except these days with more silicon and less moral values. Private Video Magazine's are the creme de la creme in my honest opinion. They got the right idea the first time around: don't insult the viewer with a plot for more than five minutes, and do all the best sexual positions possible in 15-20 mins that are possible with three people. Only problem with them is they are like BLP pictorials; they get a bit similar after a while.

Lastly there is internet porn. I think my brother excelled at this. Quite early on he figured out that if he got pictures and movies from the newsgroups, he'd get a lot more. FAR more. I have no idea how long he'd been doing it before he moved away, but I'm talking something like 12-18 months of this. This produced about seven cd's worth of porn, mostly pictures, but also with sex stories. Once you've seen some of the stuff that you can get from the newsgroups, you've really seen it all.

Okay, so that story aside, what was the original point? Why I prefer suggestiveness and the clothed female form. Why do most guys (and lets face it, we did as kids) drool over pictures of naked women (and of course, the real thing)? Because its something they're not used to seeing; its something new, something exciting, something forbidden.

The naked form still excites me, a little. But the whole exciting and new thing really has worn off. I've seen naked women. I've seen naked women allow themselves to be humiliated in such ways you can't even imagine, which I can't imagine furthers the cause of feminism (not that I'm a feminist, mind you). The shine has worn off. This is part of the reason why I like clothed women better. The other part is just the logical part. Think of it this way: what attracts joe q random male to jane q random female in the street? Is it the bulge of her breasts under a tight top? A pair of jeans that hug and define her buttocks? Or maybe its that hint of makeup that makes her look extraordinarily cute. Is she even wearing panties? To me, the most fun part in sex is taking the clothes off; unwrapping the present if you will.

I think I'll end this post here.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 28th, 2000 02:26 pm (UTC)
I think the reason your dream is about your ex is because you're more comfortable around her.

I infer from the honest and mature nature of your post that:
- you were with your ex for a relatively long time, and
- you've been with your current girl for (at least) less than 18 months, and probably having sex for a shorter period than that.

For a while, at least, you'll subconciously associate your ex with sex.

I think it's normal.
Jul. 28th, 2000 08:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Dreams
Correct on both inferences. I purposely neglected the use of the term "current" because I didn't want my girlfriend to feel as though she might be just "the next one", if you know what I mean. For all I know, we could be married for the next 10 years - or we could break up in the next month. Who knows. (Off topic, but wanted to say it anyway)

Thank you for the reply - do you do this sort of thing for a living? Because, well ... you answered my question(s)!

Amazing. Thanks =)

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


Steve P

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